What To Expect When You're Expecting

When I was a senior in college, my professor told me he was disappointed in me. It was a midterm review, and though I was ahead in many aspects of my senior capstone, there was an assignment that I still had not completed. He was surprised and told me he expected more of me.

In that moment, I remembered how it felt to hear that from people throughout my life. Whether it be parents or teachers or other people in authority, I remembered realizing what I had done to this person that I admired so much. I remembered the stinging in my chest and the tears welling in my eyes. I remembered swearing that I would do better and be better to not upset this person again. But this time was different, and for some reason, the only response I could come up with was,

“I disappoint a lot of people.”

Since this moment, I have found it so easy to disappoint the people around me by doing what I love whole-heartedly and putting myself first. I don’t actively try to, but it does happen: whether it be that I am not passionate about something or don’t do something that was expected of me that I was not aware of. Thus, I often say the phrase, “I disappoint a lot of people” in order to put people at ease that they are not the only ones letting themselves down by putting their expectations on me.

But what else are we going to do? We expect the person in front of us to hold the door open so we can grab it. We expect our friends to be there for us in the exact moment that our significant other breaks up with us. We expect people to try the new thing we are doing to show their support for us. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in expecting things from the people we know or don’t know based on how we would act in that situation.

The phrase “treat others the way you want to be treated” should be extended to include “but don’t expect them to kid or else you’ll spend your whole life disappointed and pissed off at everyone.”

I can’t say that I am perfect when it comes to not expecting (but, let’s face it, everything else? I got it down). I expect people to answer my phone calls no matter what time of day it is. I expect people to remember my birthday even though I won’t mention that it’s coming up. I expect people to physically be there when I finally muster the courage to ask for help. I have caused myself more disappointment and frustration by expecting these things to happen than whatever prompted me wanting them in the first place.

This year is about to end though, and with that, I have the time to reflect on my life. With all of the resolutions that I will make and break, I’ve made one that I have already began to hold myself to. I resolve to not expect of people what I expect of myself because I don’t know what’s going on. I resolve to be considerate of other peoples’ lives and intentions as I bring them closer into my own life. I resolve to stop expecting people to answer my phone calls when they come after midnight.

So thank you, Professor L, for helping me see that no matter how upset or disappointed in other people I may get, it’s mostly because I had an expectation of them that they were unaware of. And that’s just not fair.