About Last Night...

There are two things in the world I can handle pretty dang well; stress & tequila.

I started drinking my freshman year of college at the ripe age of almost 18. I remember how anxious I was to try my first shot of vodka and how quickly that anxiety was replaced by the burning sensation of hard liquor. Even more, the anxiety over everything else I felt was also washed away; I was soon filled with a sensation of happiness and giggles, and I thought it was the most beautiful feeling in the world.

Until it wasn’t. Between an awful breakup and a sexual assault, my newfound sensation of relief soon turned into me looking for a sensation to replace the emotional pain I was going through. I drank more. And then I drank more. And then I drank until March of 2016 when I was left alone in the middle of a park having an anxiety attack. A college security guard, worried out her sweet heart about me, ended up walking me to my dorm and forcing me to call someone because she didn’t feel that I was safe alone.

After that night, I cleaned myself up, stopped drinking for about 8 months, and returned to it with a very different mindset. Though having a scar on my arm from my drinking adventures wasn’t part of the plan, compared to the guys and gals of Total Frat Move, I try to convince myself I’m doing alright now. I go out on the weekends with friends, and I usually have a cider when I get off work.

However, I’m always afraid that the anxious mess of a college freshman will come back. I’m afraid I’ll grab a bottle and just start chugging again because something will happen and I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m anxious that my alcohol tolerance – which is equivalent to a butterfly – will make it too easy to slip up again. I’m worried I’ll run into coworkers or potential coworkers and make a complete fool of myself by being a seemingly drunken fool. I’m worried that all of the hard work I put into myself to get me to where I am will be washed down the drain with “just” one more shot.

But here’s the thing: I know why I drink. I drink to socialize and have the opportunities to meet new people. I drink to take my Chihuahua energy level down and reflect on the day I had. I don’t let myself drink when I’m sad or having any anxiety. I have gained a keen sense of when I should stop drinking. I don’t drink and drive ever, and I haven’t been too drunk to not get myself home since that March of 2016. I learned from my mistakes, as we all do and should, and I have changed and grown into a person who knows herself and how to take care of her.

And though I am very good at being the drunk, silly blonde girl who will talk your ears off for hours and try to buy your drinks even though she can’t afford it, this girl is drinking with you to just have a damn good time.

Cheers,

Lisa Rae Bowman