How Am I Not Burnt Out?

You want me to write about the debate? Absolutely not.

I refuse to relive the fact that an old white man was able to react irrationally and emotionally when being asked to hold himself accountable for his short comings and still go home being called a leader. I even couldn’t refuse a sexual harassment at work “correctly” without being chastised for my bitchy, annoying attitude. So no, I am not going to rant about this white “man” when enough has been said and the evidence is clear.

I am voting for Joe Biden so that I may feel hope for my country again.

For now, I will be paying more in rent than the president paid in taxes last year despite my unemployment since my industry remains shut down due to the global pandemic that was not taken seriously by that same president. I will also continue coping with my sexual trauma knowing that the same president sexually harassed and assaulted multiple women and has still gotten away with it. I will also wait patiently on Trivago and hope that the international travel restrictions are soon lifted so that I may return to the south of France and have a real fresh start there.

Anyone else caught between feeling like they’re not doing enough and feeling like there is nothing they can do?

I’ve been doing a lot of activism for sexual assault survivors and fighting for better campus culture. I’ve been challenging myself to write and explore new avenues of storytelling. I’m working on maintaining the healthy, supportive relationships I’ve been able to hold, both old and new. With all of this, the endings are unknown and potentially unfulfilling, but I know, for now, that I am actively working towards what makes me feel happy and safe.

People, actually.

I’m actively working towards the people make me feel happy and safe, and that’s why it’s worth it.

Whether it be reconnecting with old friends in a new city, calling the people who I hold close but who live far, or growing with a person I never thought I’d be lucky enough to meet, my humans constantly fill me with hope, joy, and new perspectives. I get to laugh through a game of “Among Us” after being killed for trying to fix the wires. I get to reminisce over coffee at an empty chess table. I get to not be alone when I feel the world crumbling beneath my feet and think I have to cope with it by myself. I’m never really alone, and I know I wouldn’t be where I am without my found families.

You are the reason why I know that things will be okey, and I am very thankful for you.